my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
