I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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