Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
