i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
