Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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