The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child