not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
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Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?