I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
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I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
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Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome