He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
FUCK WHALES
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
