Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.