Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
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I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?