Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
