i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
