I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
