One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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