There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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