Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
