dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
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Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
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lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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