No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
