I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
