Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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