I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Even my vagina gasped.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
