Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
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