Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize