Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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