Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
