I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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