I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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