I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
