That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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