I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
