saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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