why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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