hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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