i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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