He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
