Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
