I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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