i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
