i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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