You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
