I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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