The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
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I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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