I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
