that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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