Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
