i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
cat food counts as protein by the way
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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