i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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