that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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