is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
