so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
