So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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