Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
