I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
