Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize