You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
