Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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