if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
