K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
