WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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