I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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