All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
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I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
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He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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