thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
