my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize