You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
