You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
