I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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