she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
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i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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