Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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