pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
