he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
