i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
