fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
