So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"