i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
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I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
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I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.