If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan