yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
