Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?