Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
