I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
