If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
