is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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